ROBIN’S RUDE SONGS and POEMS

CONFESSION

Father
A bearded man
A pedophile of sorts
Put his hand
Inside my jocky shorts
I have the right to say “no”
Everyone agrees
But tell me Father
Is it so
That I can’t say “Please”?

D’you want to be aborted little fetus?
Or d’you want to enter the world?
D’you think you’d like pollution?
Politics and war?
Or maybe a religion
And settle an ancient score?
You don’t know what it’s like out there
Your mama doesn’t want you
And your papa doesn’t care
And you’d be a pain
A drudgery and a drain
D’you want to be aborted little fetus?
Or d’you want to experience?
D’you think you’d like sunsets?
Dogs, jokes and sex?
Or the thrill of mind and muscles moving
And knowing you’re a being
Who can love?
You don’t know what it’s like out there
Your mama doesn’t want you
And your papa doesn’t care
And you’d be a pain
A drudgery and a drain
But then again?

ALL OF ME IS ME

I’m a real nice guy who tries
But I’ll screw you in the eyes
Inadvertently
When my pride is me.
All of me
Not just what you see
Or what I want to be
Is me
I have my high ideals
But testing them reveals
Occasionally
I act cynically
All of me
Inconsistently
Contradictorially
Is me.
I’m loving sweet and kind
But my passion you will find
Whelmingly
Get the best of me
All of me
Cowardly
Outrageously
Is me.
All of me
Not just what you see
Or what I want to be
Is me.

SEXABUSE ME BABY

George’s in the bedroom
Sexabusin’ Mom
Sister’s in the cellar
Sexabusin’ Tom
All I got is vaseline
I wanna know how come
Come on come on come on
Sexabuse me Baby
Violate my bod
I wanna be molested
Oh my god
Hands in my pants
It ain’t no use
I never get a chance
At sexabuse
Try me out Baby
I won’t refuse
Come on come on come on
Sexabuse me Baby
Violate my bod
I wanna be molested

OH MY GOD

(MAN)
Slapping the slut
Is what she needs
I get a rush
When she bleeds
Abuse abuse

(WOMAN)
Battering Billy
Does something for me
His shrieks and screams
Are therapy
Abuse abuse

(CHILD)
Beating my dog
Is so much fun
I tie it up first
And pretend it’s Mum
Abuse abuse

ABUSIVE DEMENTIONS

Family life education
Scare the little fuckers shitless
Be pitiless
AID’s sex morality
Championing chastity
Not safer ways of having fun
With and without condoms
Heroic mendacity
Condoned by democratic sentiment
Media agenda
State propaganda
Messages of hate
Commissars of the cocaine trade
Are made
Incarnations of Beezelbub
Political realities
Fear hate and enemies
Manipulated loyalties
Someone’s keeping score
Problem solving systems
Thriving on failure
Keep things as they were
Before
Inculcating ignorance
Enforcing innoncence
On the horny pubescent child
Who can now say “yes” and
Take a practical lesson
In being wild
Abuse by lies and ignorance
Not telling the young
What they need to know
Does more damage than
Assaults by word or hand
You gotta know to grow
Authorized abuse
Clad in white raiment
But hardly heaven sent
What can be done with it?
Noble intent
But bullshit

CANADIAN GARRET

So you want to be a man of the arts young fart
A recognized entity in our tenuous identity
Here’s some hints for a start if you’re smart
What courses have you taken
Or vices forsaken?
An old stint in the joint
Reformed is a point
And have you paid your dues?
Joined the clubs
Expressed your views?
And attended well agendaed committee meetings too?
D’you know the trendy perturbations
Of literary masturbations?
Or the avante garde of yesteryear
That permanent ersatz frontier?
Council grant’applications?
Do not despair of machinations
It’s all fair you will learn
When finally it’s your turn
There’s fund transfusions
For failing forms
So old elites retain their norms
And if your talents are more prosaic
There’s cementing tiles in our mosaic
And you’ll find there’s plenty pence
For esoteric obscure nonsense

TWO CANADAS

When I was just a tiny tot
Knowing more than I ought
Politically
I learnt something obviously true
That Canada was split in two
By the Strait of Georgia sea
But well before my adolescence
Something new made greater sense
Provincially
I was on the western side
Of what they call the Great Divide
More than geographically
Later as a keen student
Trying hard to be prudent
Intellectually
It was learnedly revealed
The problem was the Precambrian shield
National developmentally
Then when I was a bright young man
I found that down the middle ran
Verily
La riviere des Outaouais
Which determines what one says
More than linguistically
But now of course I have to smile
Some draw the line at Belle Isle
Parochially
Or for national unity’s sake
On the nether shores of Meech Lake
Pseudoconstitutionally
Give me a break

CHILDREN OF THE MIDDLE CLASS

Children of the middle class
Let me fuck you in the ass
My velocity against your mass
You make me drool
You make me smile
Your pampered bottoms
Clad in style
Buggery buggeroo
Pull them down
So can screw
You and you and you

THE 1990’S

Forget the politicians
They’re irrelevant now
Everything is economics
And business shows us how
Markets and competition
Determine our lives’ style
And the market’s more than mechanism
It’s the ideology as well
Forget about religion
We’re all so tolerant
It doesn’t really matter
What any prophet meant
But if you got some problems
Family, drugs or sanity
Or simply want to kill yourself
There’s psychotherapy

MAGYAR MADNESS

Enjoy your flavourless democratic french fries
Praise the moral fortitude and righteousness
of economists from Chicago and London
Inspire idealistic youth
with the divinity of markets and central banks
Recycle the vomit of offended sweet old ladies
of all ages and sexes
that is enshrined in the laws of the West
so you can compete in creating cultural criminals
out of the ultimate dissenters
Punish children for innate brattiness
for that is the gateway to sedition
We must learn to cooperate
for the greater good of the few
As always

GORBACHEV

A man on Mars
Is what he needs
This man who satisfies
The minor greeds for peace
And saying one’s piece
A man on Mars
Not more in wars For this man who restores
Things as they ought to be
A man on Mars
Is what he needs
To bolster his other deeds
A man on Mars
To gaze at us
Raising Soviet status
To preserve duality
No one single hegemony over all
A choice at least
Of evils.

TORONTO

Toronto Toronto
Dah dah dee dee
Turawna Turawna
Canadian piranha
You think you’re the whole country
Maybe you are
More closer than far
But you still got some quality
You ain’t got no mountains
An’ you got no sea
But you got Yonge Street
And part of me
Toronto Toronto
Fuddle dee dee
Hog town blue town
Righteously renowned
Into high finance and marketry
More glib and pale
Than Molson’s ale
But you’re not all poverty
It ain’t gettin’ better
It ain’t as free
But you got Yonge Street
And part of me

VANCOUVER

Mountains stumbling into the sea
Riverlands and ecology
The mainland port’s ascendancy
VSE and corporate centre
Primping on the Pacific Rim
Inviting all investment in
And rich to enter
Trying desperately to be
A nouveau mini world class city

PRO IN THE KNOW

The boy let the sound
Trip through his mind
The man analysed the music
The boy found, experienced the spell
The man with weariness
And perhaps too well for his own good
Understood
The techniques of the art [  ROBIN’S RUDE SONGS & POEMS  ]

CARELESS OF YOUR INNOCENCE

Careless of your innocence
Enchanted by your youth
I wanted you
And for you greatness
Fame I never had
Me a lonely man
And you, what can I say, a sexy lad.
Careless of your innocence
But knowing of your needs
And wanting you
I catered to your fantasies
Fathering I never had
Me a jaded man
And you a knowing lad.
Careless of your innocence
I bared my love and lust
Careless of my own
But I found a friend and son
Family I never had
Me a loving man
You a loving lad.

RENEWAL IN THE NIGHT

Shady days
and cocaine nights that never end
til I wend my way home
past dawn’s birds chirping in the pines.
We talk and be again
you and me re-being we
in our mutual nudity
of mind and past and friends.
Real time
time of being
of being in the unselfconscious here and now
not to be remembered or dwelt upon
not an invesunent in the memory bank
of some future good old days
but real time
unmeasured unahocated
unjustified free
time spent being
being me.

DON’T DO DRUGS

Don’t do drugs,
Doin’ drugs’s is bad
Listen t’what they say,
Believe, an’ you’ll be glad
You said, ’No way’.
Emulate our athletes,
Protect your mental health.
Don’t listen to your friends,
Don’t find out for yourself.
Experimenting’s fine,
If you’ve got a few degrees
In medicine, psychology,
And willing chimpanzees.
So please
Don’t do drugs.
Doin’ drugs is sick.
They rot your brain
Worse’n playin’ with your prick
Or television strain.
I’ll tell you once again
Don’t do drugs.

HAPPINESS IS A WARM BEER

I ain’t got no groceries
An’ I’m all outa drugs
My room is a-freezin’
An’ crawlin’ with bugs
I ain’t got no money
An’ can’t buy the best
My debts are a-pilin’
But what is the test
H a p p i n e s s
Is a warm beer
Locally brewed
Happiness is being
Bein’ in the mood
I ain’t got no family
An’ don’t need no friends
I don’t have excuses
An’ don’t make amends
When you are down
An’ luxuries are dear
Remember that happiness
Is a warm beer
H a p p i n e s s
Is a warm beer
Or what’s in the fridge
Happiness is being
Bein’ inebriated

KING NOSMO

Smoke gets in your eyes
Isn’t it real nice?
It makes you realize
That smoking’s not a vice
… It’s addiction
And I confess, now and then
Christmas and Ramadan
With coffee in the morning
And daffodils in spring
Booze makes you a lush
Mushrooms make you mush
And cocaine has its rush
But one you cannot touch
… Is nicotine
The queen of all the drugs
You’ve ever seen
And I confess, now and then
A quarter to and after ten
With coffee in the morning
And daffodils in spring
Valium is much desired
Heroin gets you wired
And marijuana fired
But a taste to be acquired
… Quite easily
Is you bet
The cigarette
And I confess, now and then
Excuse me
I’ve got to go to the store for more

BENEVOLENCE

We all love you
Out here in Rosebud Alberta
We’re not ashamed of you Ben
We’re concerned
We understand
We don’t think it was very grand
But steroids are only a drug
… only a drug
An’ drugs are just somethin’ yuh do
… somethin’ yuh do
One man’s passion
Another man’s poison
So what’re yuh supposed to do?
You’re still our idol
Out here in Rosebud Alberta
You’re still our number one guy
You tried
And you lied
An’ some of us cried
But steroids are only a drug
… only a drug
An’ drugs am just somethin’ yuh do
… somethin’ yuh do
One man’s passion’s
Another man’s poison
So what’re yuh supposed to do?

CIGARETTE

Companionship and solace
Living smoke intercoursing with air
Caught by slanting sunbeams
Twisting shapes
To contemplate
And being there inviting dreams
Solitude without loneliness
A friend with taste
You can caress and share

ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW

Some education’s to inform
Entertain and delight
Explaining what is right
And possibly fun
But by gum
When it comes to drugs
There’s a rule of thumb
All you need to know
Is no no no
Some education’s to inform
And some’s to make you think
Lets you make the link
And respects your mind
But when it comes to drugs
You will find
All you need to know
Is no no no
Some education’s to inform
And some shows you how
Wow no shit
You learn how
To do it
But somehow for your mind to grow
When it comes to drugs
That’s not so
All you need to know
Is no no no

SEX OBJECT

(MAN)
Big bouncing boobs
Get my endocrines squirtin’
Hormones take over
An’ soon I’m a-flirtin’

(CHORUS)
Sex object, turn me on
Sex object, let’s screw
Sex object, get me off
That’s what I expect of you

(WOMAN)
Incredible hunks
Muscled and poised
Ignite my psyche
More than mere boys

(CHORUS)
Sex object, turn me on
Sex object, let’s screw
Sex object, get me off
That’s what I expect of you

(HERITORHIM)
A fantastic ass
Atop slender jeaned legs
I’ll make a pass
Regardless of sex

(CHORUS)
Sex object, turn me on
Sex object, let’s screw
Sex object, get me off
That’s what I expect of you

SEX OBJECT TWO

I hate people
They’re too complex for me
I want sex to be
Without human perplexity
Strictly
Sex objects and me

PHOTOROTIC

Photography’s a turn on
It’s not my fault
That when my shutter clicks
It’s sexual assault
I caught her by the downy fuzz
Along her upper lip
Zoomed in to her cleavage
And the contours of her hip
I got another trophy
With my Canon F T b
Photography’s a turn on
Orgasmic ecstacy

SEX OBJECT FOUR

You meet a nice sex object
One that’s smart and pretty too
But what’s the next thing to expect?
They’re a person much like you

WRECK BEACH

Wreck Beach in the rain
Huddled forms ’neath dripping trees
What a pain!
I pray for balmy breeze
To tease my eyes
And please my mind
And feed my kind of fantasies
Again

SEX OBJECT SEVEN

Sex object
I want to fuck
Sex object
Serve my ends
I don’t need friends
Don’t be nice and bare yourself to me
I just want your nudity
Sex object
Show respect
Show respect to me
Don’t flaunt your personality
Just satisfy my fantasy
Which is me me me
Master over thee thee thee
Sex object
Don’t dissect and offer thoughts to me
Inflicting your individuality
I object sex object
Leave me free
Don’t be direct
Please please please
Oh sex object you’re true
Our relation’s wrecked
I’m in love with you.

MANILAMANIAC

[YOU’RE CRAZY TO BE HERE]

Sauna city, three shirt and shower days
Diesel lungged by quaintly painted jeepneys
Senses assaulted
Blaring street cacophonopia
Horns a-plenty
Graceful golden limbs with canker sores
Merely breathing, you and me
Umihi
Hee hee hee ho ho
An English city visually
But what you hear’s not what you see
O o, no no
’Cept on Tagalog bawal-ed walls
Vendor stalls
And possibly some student halls
So?

YOU CAN LEAVE ANYTIME

Airline offices abound
Package tours to the Motherland
Ancestors never saw
Compete with twice weekly trips to Ho Chi Minh City
Or maybe an extortionist will help you on your way
The vendor hordes of Santa Cruz
Goods tricely bundled
Flee yet another attempt at civic beautification
Urchins of Ermita scamper to the cry of “Bagansa”
Traffic bends around the bulging sidewalk
Where burnt out squatters camp
A beggar lad, all limbs lopped
A victim of some vengeance?
Takes your coin with stabs
Calesa and cronycrat limoed in luxury
Trespass the jeepney jungle
Policemen play cops and robbers with themselves
Growing GNP’s and poverties
Insurgencies, illiteracies
And common ordinary everyday disease
Aircon economy, peso astronomy for some
And the poor used to live fairly well

BUT YOU STAY

50’s, 60’s jukebox timewarp
Little kids dance to the imported nostalgia
Nights ending with the lonley cry of “Balut”
Paco Park, omnifarious oasis
Noosed by rumbling roads
Its giant wounded acacias
Rotting and regenerating
North cemeteries’ mausoleum madness
Disneyland of death
Were the living housed half as well
South Pacific seaside shanties
Periodically removed
Embrace the Embassy

OR COME AGAIN IF YOU CAN’T

BONTOC MOUNTAIN BOYS

Mountain boys are strong and pretty
Long lashed eyes with steady gain
Proud mountain chests and attitudes
And sturdy mountain climbing legs
Mountain boys are independent
As in the ators of the past
When boys left home pubertally
Apprenticing to be men
Mountain boys know who they are
Confident with graceful poise
Loving pleasure and adventure
And keeping up their pride
Mountain boys still meet in shadows
As of yore discussing war
Not of ancient head-taung battles
Mercifully mild
But AFP and NPA
M-16’s and more

ADIDAS DIGNITY

The soil’s no good
The road’s not near
Soldiers come
An’ farmers fear
An’ sometimes people
Hungry here
We want prosperity
Schools and electricity
Our children want the dignity
Of Adidas on their feet
Cut down the jungle
Slash and burn
No more poverty
It’s our turn
We’ll have a party
And grow cocaine
We want prosperity
More food and TV
Our children want the dignity
Of Adidas on their feet
Defend our land And liberty
Join the band of insurgency
Fight the military
And kill the Gringo’s men
We want prosperity
Guns not charity
Our children want the dignity
Of Adidas on their feet

WILDERNESS CAMP

A barely setting sun rises, pink flecking little
waves that lap on birch-backed beach, whose coarse
pink grains pain pink greenhorns’ feet.
Bleary-eyed leader blows reveille, tents grumble
but boys emerge and plunge their bedwarm bodies
in water cold as diamond’s fire.
Downy, goosepimpled limbs wait in line for porridge.
Boys made to march through swamps where leeches dwell.
Boys forced to ford boulder-bottomed streams,
numbed feet feeling for footholds
in the icy, pulling torrent.
Boys ordered to climb rugged rockfaces,
loose stones for slips and slides that could break
bones, and to run with leg-stretching strides
down the smoother slope the other side
that takes them home.
Boys doing pushups, punishment not minded,
muscles straining ’neath sun-pinked skin
until they’re paining and made to start again.
Sweaty boys, boots a-stinking,
dirty boys, logs scratched and scabbing
exhausted boys, resting sprawled,
waiting for beans and bacon and orange-flavoured Tang.
Campfire circus, memory machine
with bawdy songs and wieners.
Lights Out, whispers in the night
… a time for secrets, and sleep.

OK WINE

Okanagan wine
Is fine by me
Twelve percent by volume
Quality
White doesn’t stain the carpet
But the kids all like ros�
And the red is so romantic
I don’t know what to say

BLUE VIOLETS

Roses are red
Pansies are pretty
Queens are a scream
But you’re only witty

PUREX

Wiping your ass
Is wiping out our forests
And can you imagine
How many trees it would take
To wipe the assholes of Asia?
Nobody needs it
That nice soft paper
Should be placed beside heroin
On the Narcotic Control Act list
Let your fingers do the wiping
Let them make friends with your anus
You don’t need to entertain us
But it’s a test
And the rest of righting
Nature’s wronging
Restoring man’s belonging
Will be blest

OZONAL NO

Corpses by the billions
Turn to dust without pollution
Our shit perchance
Helps plants to grow
But spray underarm deodorant’s
A no no no

THE FLAVOUR’S IN THE CARCINOGEN

Oatmeal’s really healthy
I eat it every day
With three eggs and bacon
Hash browns and Nescafe
For lunch I like sandwiches
Salami and Cheez Whiz
With a kosher pickle
Pickled in gin fizz
Steaks are really tasty
Provided that they’re rare
Blackened on the outside
To seal in hormones there

COOL MAN

I’m an idiot
But no fool
I’m a scholar
Down on school
I’m sadistic
But not cruel
The law’s an ass
That’s a rule
Do what you want
But keep it cool
Cool man cool

THE JOY OF PAIN

TheRapy Song
Your screams make my day
Fulfill my dreams
Or so it seems
What can I say?
Your pain is my gain
Again and again and again
And for me it’s just play
And helps keep me sane.
Oh I love to see you suffer
Ah the agony in your eyes
And when the pain is rougher
And you begin to writhe
My pleasure’s beyond measure
I just have to rhapsodize
Though your pleas are disconcerting
When I see how much you’re hurting
Watching all your twitching
I’m inflamed
And realize for certain
That splatter doesn’t matter as you’re maimed
For sure torture’s
A lot more fun than the Marquis claimed

THINK KINK

From winks to Kink
Is my life’s tale
Kink’s the way where shrinks fail methinks
Pathetic fate
No ejaculate or gall?
But wait
A date with Kink cures all
Blow up toys or little boys
Maybe submissive sheep
Whose bleeting noise and bestial joys
Help you get to sleep
You shouldn’t balk at dirty talk
Or pulling out your dink
And obscene calls are better than no sex at all
It’s Kink
Kiddieporn may raise a storm or stink
But why mourn a life forlorn
If it brings you to the brink
And though few may sink to something sillier
What’s really wrong with copraphillia I ask?
And while the rasher flasher’s task
Often brings a smile
There’s no question of molestion
With the wily necrophile
Or the insistent masochist
Whose painful trial of whip and chain
Leaves him more than pink again
Enjoy your tryst with Kink

INVERSE BESTIALITY

If you find you are blind and can lick the taboo
there’s a trick you can do with your prick if
it’s thick a kind of a screw if your mind’s
truly sick and be one of the few to stick
in your dick and grind in the hind of a gnu

WARALITY

Peace erodes out moral fibre
This is a moral truth
Wars better our behaviour
By killing off our youth

ADVICE

If you’re too old to be curious
And too young to be wise
You might as well work and pay taxes
And breed while you’re at it
To maintain the supplies
Of assholes like yourself

  

Content of this website is released with ‘copyleft’ license, that is you are free to copy, redistribute or use it for your own purposes provided you retain the present copyleft notice including my name and contact information, allowing others to subsequently reuse the material.  Robin Sharpe, crankyman98@gmail.com.